that place where weakness and genius coincide

reading Benjamins reading of Proust, forced to think about that place "at which genius and weakness coincide" or like Proust, Benjamin's inability to change his life's conditions "even when they were about to crush him". For some reason Benjamin felt the need to bless this curse. At moments I think this is each and everyone one of us, and I know often it is me. With school I know (think) this is not living. Up late reading, thinking, sorting, finding relations, thinking through existence, subjectivity, ethics, the shifting terrain of life. But all of these moments spent thinking, not living what of those? Forced to watch these moments go by, knowing they will not return but wholly incapable of escaping. What if our biggest strength is indeed our weakness ? What if that which gives us life is simultaneously removing it? What if the very thing that makes us who we are also is our downfall? Thinking of Chris McCandless in Into the Wild, his very essence, the thing that drove him to have all of these amazing/crazy/life affirming experiences. His ability to dream to set off for Alaska to satisfy that primordial urge to wander and find meaning is also the very thing that killed him. Alone in the wilderness of Alaska, driven by passion and curiosity (that genius) he was killed by that very unbridled curiosity that allowed him to take risks others would never have. His very being in the end betrayed him and was the end of him.