Just thinking...

I cant believe that in nearly a month it has been 3 years. I have Mom's picture up in our house and her huge smile shines over the living room which I love. Every morning I wake up walk out into the living room, open the shades to let in the sun, hear the sounds of the ocean and see her smile. I wish she could "be" here, I know she would love it, but I also feel she knows and is here in her own way. Waking to that smile, I try to start my day thankful I am here, and thankful for my family and try to let everything else fall as it may. I am still amazed though that it has been 3 years, it seems like yesterday I was stepping off a plane into the cold NY December to bury her. It also seems like ages since I have heard her laugh and felt the warmness of her hug, and I think that is the hardest. She had this way about her, this lightness and belief in the good of people despite all she went through. I have never met anyone who could love so much, and who always had this lightheratedness about her. I miss her like crazy and after three years I realize that will never go away, but I need to turn that sadness into something productive, so I try to remember all the good I have in my life, and I have a lot of it.