Today I was inspired by a piece I read on Paulo Coelho's website. The piece was a long exchange between Paulo and a spiritual teacher but the gist of the exchange involved questioning why people love the safety of routine and how routine can lull us into tedium, the place where movement ceases and we are caught in the safe haven of routine. Paulo asks if a person can remain in this state his/her whole life," to which the spiritual teacher responds:
"Yes, a person can stand for the rest of his days facing one of the many doors he should go through, but he must understand that he has only truly lived up to that point. He may continue to breathe, walk, sleep and eat - but with less and less pleasure, because he is already spiritually dead and does not know it. Until one day when, as well as his spiritual death, physical death appears; at that moment God will ask: "what did you do with your life?" We must all answer this question, and woe betide those who answer: "I remained standing at the door."
This passage made me think, especially at this point in my life, because I feel I have been at this door for too long, waiting, changing, deciding...lost in the comfort of school. School has become my zone of tedium, my safe haven of routine. Here there is no applying for jobs, finding health care, really much worry beyond simply waking up going to class or going to my office and reading. A nice life, I admit, a very very nice life. At the same time I feel though, just as the teacher speaks in this passage, that I experience less and less pleasure every day as a result of this. The time for change is upon me, no longer do I want to stand at this door. Stepping out of routine I feel refreshed, anxious and scared. There are many more questions I will have to face, there will be struggle and life won't be as easy as retreating to the books in my office. But with this move I feel like I will finally be LIVING. I feel that after 3 years I am emerging, my path is clear and I have a solid anchor to face this change with. My dreams, my hopes and my ambitions have finally began to coalesce into a plan. I feel alive again, and not just living, but really truly ALIVE! With my anchor by my side, and the cold waters of the pacific lapping at my feet, I am ready to embark to unchartered waters, to get back to exploring the places I have always dreamed of and living the life I have been hiding from. It won't be easy but with the crash of every wave, and one look at that smile I know it will be ok. The ocean whispers, welcome home, you have been on the shore for far too long, come swim my cold waters, take the risk of swimming out, cool dark water over your head, you never know, don't fear drowning, simply keep your head up, eyes on the horizon and lands of adventure you never knew existed will greet you soon.
