I just found this post in my drafts folder, it looks like I was writing it in May after talking with my sister about the "foreverness" of loss. It is published in May but I figured I would republish it here so it can be fresh....
Really? Forever?
Her normally strong voice suddenly quivers
The small tears welling up in the corner of her eyes
Give away the pain she so deeply hides
I have no explanation
All I can say is
I too have those moments
They suddenly emerge
Puncturing my normalcy, reminding me that
A wound so deep may heal, but you will forever bare the scar
And like new skin, this new sense of self is different
Despite the years that may go by, this piece will forever be different
Sometime it catches you off guard, lifting your shirt off to go for a swim
A friend may startle you, where did you get that scar.
Its like that. Sudden. Abrupt. Right when you least expect it.
Its then you realize. This healing you thought was over. Its not.
Healing. For some reason we assume healing is a return to normal.
But just as that piece of skin will forever stand out, will never fully integrate itself with the whole.
So too. This wound, will carry with it the story of pain.
The scar then is not the bodies way of healing. It is the bodies way of telling a story.
If it wanted to heal, it would never be visible.
But no. The scar. It tells a story.
And we each have a story, our wounds, though deep and hidden.
They serve to remind us of the pain. Our vulnerability.
And thats all I can say.
It does not make sense. It does not help the pain.
This wound will forever be there. It will remind me at moments I least expect.
That there are things beyond my explanation. That I have been to the depths of sadness.
But I have emerged. I will not be the same. I will not understand forever.
And somehow with all of that I will just have to be. Be me. Be scared. Be hopeful. Be confused.
