A dream

In a dream I saw my mom for the first time...my mind struggled to capture the images the feelings, and to hold onto every moment, but alas they slipped away like sand through my fingers. I awoke with only a vague sense of what had happened, and in fact all I remembered was looking at her face as we danced. No music, no noise, into some great void I whispered "Mom this is really hard," and all she voiced back was "I know, I know it's hard." These strands of memory from some dream state, and yet some sense of peace. Peace not from knowing that this pain might go away, but rather a peace from knowing that my mom might somehow somewhere sense my pain and realize how hard it is, those words I know seemed to speak to me also that this absence (if you can call it that-maybe it is instead rather a different sense of precense) was equally as hard for her and those simple words " I know" uttered with her amazing sense of empathy assuaged some (even if very little) of this pain. Though my heart will never be as light as it was before December 9th 2005, maybe its burden will feel less heavy. Forever missed, forever loved....